Inanity

In the spirit of the season, here's the gift each team hopes to unwrap this holiday: (power rankings are updated every Tuesday).

Imagine opening a Christmas gift, and inside... power rankings! Yay! Yay...?

1. Detroit Red Wings (26-7-3, Previous: 1) – A lump of coal in the bottom of their stocking because with all the deserved good fortune they've experienced to date, the only thing they don't have is a practical joke.

That this makes no sense aside (they're awesome, so they get the worst gift imagineable? They get the Non Gift?), the last little clause bewilders me. Does he literally mean they don't have a practical joke (IE, whoopie cushion), or does he mean that he can't think of a joke that's practical? It certainly seems like the latter, I guess.

2. Ottawa Senators (23-8-4, Previous: 2) – The lasting memory of how disappointing it is to be on the losing side of a Stanley Cup Final to serve as motivation the rest of the way.

Ah, good, they needed that. Without this gift, they might have forgotten.

The thing that is most WTF-y about this is that it's not like Ottawa was a black horse team that miraculously went all the way and will never forget. Dating back to 2000 (and probably before then, but I'm too lazy to research that far), Ottawa has been a freaking dominant team that's gained a reputation for choking when it matters. They actually have this very intersting pattern of loss going:

00-01: Lost in 1/4Finals
01-02: Lost in 1/2Finals
02-03: Lost in Finals
03-04: Lost in 1/4Finals
05-06: Lost in 1/2Finals
06-07: Lost in Finals

I'm kind of hoping they lose in the quaters again this year, honestly.

Anyway, point is, it's not like they haven't been in this situation before and realized it sucked. It was a weird thing to bring up in a way that implied it was some kind of new territory for them.

5. Colorado Avalanche (21-13-2, Previous: 8) – That Joe Sakic gets a warm send off the last time he plays in visiting rinks just in case it's his final season.

This doesn't help the team at all (and is very inane), but it's a nice sentiment, I guess.

7. Minnesota Wild (20-13-2, Previous: 10) – Take notice: When their top offensive threats are healthy, this isn't just a defense-first hockey team anymore.

They don't deserve a gift, I guess.

9. Buffalo Sabres (19-14-1, Previous: 15) – The courage to stick to that run-'n-gun style of hockey because it sure is fun to watch.

Phew, what a relief. I was truly concerned about the Sabres totally chaning their style of play that has more or less been working for them, but now I can rest easy.

10. Anaheim Ducks (18-15-5, Previous: 17) – Expecting Teemu Selanne to return is probably asking for too much, but playing with more discipline the second half isn't.

Wait... are you giving them gifts, or expecting the teams to give you gifts? Oh, Ross.

11. San Jose Sharks (18-12-5, Previous: 3) – Answers to the questions about why they can't live up to expectations.

Just vague enough to work!

12. Montreal Canadiens (17-13-6, Previous: 6) – Enough with the Saku Koivu rumors. This guy deserves way better.

They don't get a gift either. Go sit in a corner with the Wild.

The real question, though, is which is worse: Being given no gift by Ross McKeon, or being given coal.

19. New York Rangers (17-15-4, Previous: 12) – A little goal support for Henrik Lundqvist, please?

Their gift is a request, I suppose. Can you re-gift that?

24. Nashville Predators (16-16-2, Previous: 26) – Anyone, just anyone, besides having to oppose the San Jose Sharks in the first round of the playoffs.

And to the Predators: incoherent nonsense!


There's also this 'New Year's Resolutions' thing up which is many shades of WTF. Can't wait.